Johnny and Diana - my parents - were married. They had me. When I was a year old, they divorced.
My dad, Johnny, remarried a young lady - Kelly (my stepmom). They had my brother, Garrett.
After 10 years of marriage, Johnny and Kelly divorced. Two years later, MY parents - Johnny and Diana - remarried.
They have been married ever since. Kelly remarried a wonderful gentleman named Fred.
And all lived happily ever after......kind of.
Having
been a child on both sides of divorce, I believe I can speak
sufficiently on some of the ups and downs that go along with it.
Although I was very young when my parents divorced and not old
enough to understand, I do recall weekends at dad's house and week-long stays at
mom's. I remember what it was like growing up in a single-parent
household and the struggles and sacrifices my mom made to, not only give
me everything I ever needed, but also many things I wanted. I recall
learning to adapt to change and quickly learning to accept new people into my life.
But there's another time and place for things I've learned -
right now I want to share what a blessing it has been to be a part of a
blended family.
It
hasn't always been easy. I won't lie and say it was easy for me to go
to my dad's every other weekend and leave my mom, but I also can't say
that I am any less of a daddy's girl just because I didn't grow up with
him in the house everyday. After Kelly and my dad divorced, things
definitely got worse before they got better. I recall many phone calls
that ended with heated tempers and regrettable words. I
remember times when Garrett was unfortunately caught in the middle
because his parents couldn't get along. I remember long discussions
about weekend visits, summer vacations, holidays, parenting, meeting
places, divorce papers, and child support. However, not all of these discussions
always turned out bad - there were many light and civil conversations as well.
As Garrett got older and parents learned to talk TO each other and not AT each other, things became easier and more friendly. Garrett now was allowed to
have input in some of these decisions and the parents also learned to
compromise.
If
we fast-forward a little bit to the current year, I can honestly say -
life is beautiful. Kelly and my dad get along better now than they ever
have. Garrett just recently graduated from high school and we were all able to enjoy a wonderful dinner with him. Not only did family from my dad's side come but Kelly, her husband and other son came as well. It was absolutely beautiful to be able to sit down at a
table with so many different people, connected in so many different ways, and
have everyone come together to celebrate Garrett. Johnny and Kelly have
each learned to parent together and not apart - they consult each other
and make sure they are on the same page concerning all matters related to Garrett. As a result, their friendship has grown and they have learned to accept and embrace each others differences.
What's
so great about the whole thing is that we all can learn different
things from each other and appreciate different parts of what each
person adds to our life. Personally, to me, Kelly is one of the most
down-to-earth people I have ever known. Her heart and door are always
warm and open and a place of rest when your feet or your soul need to
ease the burden. I love how much Fred has taught Garrett about the
importance of listening. Anyone who knows Garrett and his mom, realizes there could be a lot more listening taking place sometimes than talking between
the two of them. However, Fred, through action, and perhaps without
even knowing it, has shown Garrett how important it is to listen. I think Agatha Christie said it best, "“An appreciative listener is always stimulating," and Fred has demonstrated this time and time again. Although he's still working on his listening skills, I truly
believe Fred has taught him the importance of humility and the
effectiveness of a gentle conversation. Fred has also taught Garrett
many invaluable skills in drawing and building - the way he can visualize things and then build them is a true talent.
Watching my mom and Garrett's relationship develop and grow over the years has also been special. My mom has always accepted and loved Garrett from his birth even though he wasn't hers. Garrett didn't have to welcome his new step mom with open arms and a loving heart, but he did, but that's just Garrett. Garrett's awesome because he has a little bit of everyone in him. He's probably the most giving and kind-hearted young man that I know, and he gets that from both his mom and dad. He definitely has his fiery spirit from his dad along with his ability to make people laugh and that's one of his greatest blessings. My dad is a hard worker and a perfectionist and there's no doubt this has been passed down to my brother. Garrett has learned, through action, to work hard at whatever is asked of you and to take pride in what you do. Sometimes it's a little ridiculous how OCD they can be when you put them together. Those two have been through many ups and downs - Garrett has learned many life lessons through tough experiences but I believe, through Garrett's growth and upbringing, my father has also experienced many blessings. They've bonded over silly things like doing yard work, building fences, and throwing a football; but they've also bonded through their mutual appreciation for making others laugh, their witty sense of humor and their strong-willed nature. Often, I believe, my dad sees a reflection of himself in my brother and wants so much more for him.
As for me, I'm not really sure what I have been able to give to Garrett. Maybe one day I'll know, or maybe someone else knows, but I do know he has taught me many things. He's taught me a true lesson in honesty because Garrett never has a problem letting you know how he feels about something. There are so many things, as an older sister, that I have learned from him: patience, the wonderful gift of being laid back and going with the flow, the importance of working hard, and the joy it is of having a brother who loves you, cares about you, wants the best for you, and is always there cheering for you through life's toughest races (or swim meets).
Without my parent's divorce, there would have been no Kelly. Without Kelly, there would be no Garrett. Without Garrett, the friendship that my father and Kelly now share would not exist and the blessing of watching God work through their hearts and lives to grow them could not have taken place. Perhaps times got rough along the way and maybe there are some decisions and choices that everyone regrets, but no one is perfect - we are all learning as we take a trip through this life. What's important is that we stay capable of learning, growing, admitting our mistakes and continuously forgiving. It is a true joy, to me, to look back and see how far we all have come, but especially the friendship between Johnny and Kelly - all of the mountains and valleys we have been through along the way and how this once-distorted family structure is now a perfect blend of love and friendship.
Watching my mom and Garrett's relationship develop and grow over the years has also been special. My mom has always accepted and loved Garrett from his birth even though he wasn't hers. Garrett didn't have to welcome his new step mom with open arms and a loving heart, but he did, but that's just Garrett. Garrett's awesome because he has a little bit of everyone in him. He's probably the most giving and kind-hearted young man that I know, and he gets that from both his mom and dad. He definitely has his fiery spirit from his dad along with his ability to make people laugh and that's one of his greatest blessings. My dad is a hard worker and a perfectionist and there's no doubt this has been passed down to my brother. Garrett has learned, through action, to work hard at whatever is asked of you and to take pride in what you do. Sometimes it's a little ridiculous how OCD they can be when you put them together. Those two have been through many ups and downs - Garrett has learned many life lessons through tough experiences but I believe, through Garrett's growth and upbringing, my father has also experienced many blessings. They've bonded over silly things like doing yard work, building fences, and throwing a football; but they've also bonded through their mutual appreciation for making others laugh, their witty sense of humor and their strong-willed nature. Often, I believe, my dad sees a reflection of himself in my brother and wants so much more for him.
As for me, I'm not really sure what I have been able to give to Garrett. Maybe one day I'll know, or maybe someone else knows, but I do know he has taught me many things. He's taught me a true lesson in honesty because Garrett never has a problem letting you know how he feels about something. There are so many things, as an older sister, that I have learned from him: patience, the wonderful gift of being laid back and going with the flow, the importance of working hard, and the joy it is of having a brother who loves you, cares about you, wants the best for you, and is always there cheering for you through life's toughest races (or swim meets).
Without my parent's divorce, there would have been no Kelly. Without Kelly, there would be no Garrett. Without Garrett, the friendship that my father and Kelly now share would not exist and the blessing of watching God work through their hearts and lives to grow them could not have taken place. Perhaps times got rough along the way and maybe there are some decisions and choices that everyone regrets, but no one is perfect - we are all learning as we take a trip through this life. What's important is that we stay capable of learning, growing, admitting our mistakes and continuously forgiving. It is a true joy, to me, to look back and see how far we all have come, but especially the friendship between Johnny and Kelly - all of the mountains and valleys we have been through along the way and how this once-distorted family structure is now a perfect blend of love and friendship.
