A Tribute to My Brother Graduating High School

My brother graduated from high school this past May.  As a gift to him and his parents, I wanted to write him a letter.  I read it him at his graduation dinner.  I've been asked about it several times since so I figured I'd go ahead and post it for anyone interested. After his first semester, I am proud to say he has once again impressed everyone.  He got a 3.5 his first semester and made the Dean's List. 

This is the letter I wrote him for his high school graduation (May 2013):

"To my brother, my friend and my partner in crime –

        I’ve been reflecting back the last few weeks over our lives together and different memories we have made.  Undoubtedly, I’ve also been reminded of how I felt when I was graduating high school.  I remember feeling sad about leaving my friends and family, happy to be moving on to a new chapter and new beginnings, anxious about living on my own and wondering if I could really do it, and generally just confused about all of those mixed emotions.  It’s a bittersweet time, but I promise, you have much greater things to look forward to. 

        I think back on all of our times together when we were younger and it seemed like all you wanted to do was annoy me, but I guess that’s what little brothers are for.  I remember how annoying you were on road trips when you didn't stop talking from the time we left the driveway until we got to our destination – most of the time just reading road signs out loud to anyone who would listen – and I’m pretty sure you still do that now.  I think back on all the tricks you would play on me – hanging string in my bathroom and sneaking up my stairs at night to scare me.  I recall the Superman game – flying you on my feet and yelling “Superman!” and squishing you in the pancake game on the bed.  I remember when you would do things, it seemed like, to intentionally annoy me – I couldn’t understand it, but I know now it was because you just wanted my attention.  Like when I would say, “Garrett, stop touching me.” And you would say in that teasing tone while poking me in the arm, “I’m not touching you!”  I can’t even begin to list all of the memories that I have of you and I together.  I know I wasn’t always the most attentive older sister – I didn’t always want to go outside and build a fort or play guitar hero or watch a movie or take you out with my friends, and I’m sorry for that. However, I do want you to know that if I could change anything about all of the annoying things you have ever done to me, I wouldn’t change one thing. 

I’ve watched you grow from this precious little boy into this great, young man and a brother that I am more than proud of.  You have your father’s fiery, comedic soul - you know how to lighten up a room with your humor, but that fiery spirit is never far away. You have your momma’s loving heart because everyone who knows you knows that you would go out of your way to do anything for anyone. It has been a blessing, an honor, and a privilege to grow up alongside you and call you my brother. I have enjoyed watching our relationship grow and develop over the years and finally get to a point where I can tell you something and you won’t go running to tell dad right away.  Although I haven’t always made the right decisions, it has been a privilege to be your older sister and I hope, in some way, I was able to guide you down the right path.  

Take these next four years, or however many it takes you, to enjoy, live, discover, make friends, grow, dream, and believe firmly in whatever it is you set out to do. Just make sure that you stay rooted in your faith – it is the essence of your foundation and I promise it will get you through the darkest and happiest times in your life; don’t forget where you came from – your family will always be there for you no matter what, those are the people who will always love you unconditionally so treat them that way. Don’t neglect to call your momma and dad, even when you don’t want to, to tell them about the little things in your life that no one else cares about except them. Make sure you go home to visit on holidays – later in your life you will be glad you spent those times with them.  They will be the ones you want around in another five or ten years when you realize they have always had the best advice all along.  Make new friends – it is one of the best journeys in your walk through college. You will meet new people and your eyes will be opened to many different political views, religious outlooks, opinions, and biases – take them all in but decide for yourself what you choose to be a part of your life. These friends will be with you forever – invest in them, show them you care, make them laugh, and don’t be afraid to challenge others. Also, take pride in the classroom and in the work you do.  Demonstrate to professors your desire to learn and to be challenged.  If you have average attendance, make average grades, and sit in the back never contributing to the discussion, then you are just like every other average college student who just shows up to get a degree.  Do more than that – open your ears, challenge opinions, contribute to discussions and just learn.  This is my only advice to you.  Know that I am always here for you, I’m one of your biggest fans, and if you ever need me or just want to talk please don’t be afraid to call me. 

Now to the parents of my wonderful brother – daddy and Kelly. You have both done an outstanding job of raising such a fine, loving, kind man.  Daddy you have instilled in him the importance of hard-work. You have demonstrated to him the meaning of being a father. And, I believe, as he continues to grow older the memories he shared with you on those long “Highway 20 rides” will be some of the fondest and most special memories he will ever have. He always tried to be just like you growing up – always trying to get attention from anyone he could by making people laugh.  I remember when we would laugh at him when he would make a joke that just wasn’t funny at all, but he was only trying to be like you. You have shown him the joy you get out of making other people laugh and that is a special bond to share. I believe Garrett knows that although situations weren’t always ideal and sometimes things got hard, he never doubted whether you loved him or not. Kelly, a momma’s love is an important one and one that can never be replaced.  You have been with him day-in-and-day-out from the beginning. He’s grown into a lovely man, but he will always be your little boy and you will always be his rock that he can come home to.  You have shown love to him and demonstrated the importance of loving others.  Your kind heart and open door has always been a welcoming place for anyone and I believe this is the reasons Garrett has such a big heart. To the “steps” – Mom and Fred: although you both aren’t his biological parents, there is no doubt that both of you also played vital roles in his life.  You have both helped guide him to make the right decisions, taught him different lessons along the way, and always been there to lend an ear or give sound advice.

You should all be proud of the boy you raised.

I love you, bud."

Love,

Sis  

Thanks to My Coaches

COACHES.
Being a coach takes a special kind of person, and being a swim coach takes even more dedication.  Coaches dedicate SO much of their life to watching someone else succeed.  Sure, the success of the team is a reflection of the coach but no one else understands the heartache of a failed swim or the pain of a lost championship like a coach does.  They work just as hard, if not harder, than the athlete. Their work isn't finished when they walk off the pool deck.  They don't change out of their suit after morning practice to go home and take a nap.  They leave their office on the pool deck for their other office to recruit more talent and discover more ways to improve. They get up EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. to make you better.  The mornings you get the rare opportunity to sleep in, they are up helping others get better.  They don't have a summer break.  Their summer is leaving the indoor pool and moving to the outdoor pool to get ready for Nationals.  They spend more time with their swimmers than they get to spend with their real families, but don't pity them, they're doing what they love.  A coach also acts as a parent to seventy athletes.  The athlete and the coach spend so much time together - you both grow to learn so much about each other without even realizing it.  You have good days and bad days together and you share in life's joys and sorrows. Your coach is like your best friend that you don't have to worry about apologizing to after you've both yelled at each other, because that's just how things go - you move on.  I've had the privilege of having some great coaches throughout my career.  Some of which I have developed friendships with over the years and others that only participated as a coach throughout my journey. Either way, they have all had some impact on my life. 

MY JOURNEY.
However, the coaches I GOT to swim for in college were some of the best I've ever had, and I use the word "GOT" because it was MY PRIVILEGE to swim FOR them.  I didn't go to college as an all-star or one of the nation's top recruits. In fact, when I got to college, swimming was a huge wake up call for me. Looking back, I believe I was really able to develop my talent and see my real potential through obstacles I eventually was able to overcome throughout my college career.  I had NEVER, EVER worked so hard in my life.  My freshman year was THE hardest year, and my roommate Brittany can testify to that - she was right there with me.  Everyone just kept saying things will get better after the first four weeks, but I swear those first four weeks were never going to end. Things got better for a little while, but practices still sucked.  I had never lifted a weight in my life, I was too "fat" and out of shape to make intervals and workouts like everyone else, and the discouragement really fueled my hate for swimming. Then came Christmas training which was another solid two weeks of pure hell.  I seriously considered quitting after my freshman year.  I'm so glad I didn't.

From the beginning, Bruce was always stern yet understanding.  I think he wanted so much more for me but knew he couldn't make me want it - it had to be something that came from within me.  There were times he would force me to do things I didn't think I was capable of, but there were also times when he allowed me to enjoy the small victories.  We had many discussions about my fears, my physical fitness and my confidence, but I never felt like he gave up on me.

I didn't do ANYTHING the summer after Freshman year - HUGE mistake.  Getting in shape sucks but getting in WATER shape is an entirely different animal.  Not only does it TAKE FOREVER, but it is BRUTAL.  I came back to start my Sophomore year SO out of shape and I was miserable.  However, somewhere along the way,  I grew to love the sport again.  I started taking the advice I was given and applying it rather than just hearing it.  I began watching what I ate and working to get in better physical shape.  I had success at conference my Sophomore year and that was a great motivator.  

MY TRANSITION.
I came back to school for Junior year more in shape and more physically fit than I ever had been.  I was excited about what the year could bring and what I could do.  I became more passionate about my team and more driven to win.  My friendships with my teammates grew to be more than that - they grew to be my family.  I learned to lean on them when I had a bad practice or a crappy meet and I wanted the best for all of them.  I really learned what it meant to want someone else to succeed. I learned how much more fulfilling it was to win as a team than as an individual. My relationships with my coaches grew dramatically over those two years.  I developed a lot more respect for Bruce, and my relationship with Rita began to blossom.  Now I had two people I could talk to about things and they each played different roles in my life.  I think we all began to understand each other and have a mutual respect and trust for each other which allowed all of us to be successful. 

My senior year was the best year of my swimming career.  I was more excited than ever to swim and be a part of this team that I had grown to love.  I had the best teammates and friends I could ask for and I had the awesome opportunity to be captain and lead this team.  I even looked forward to Christmas training - a solid two weeks of doing nothing but tanning, getting in the best shape ever, eating and sleeping. A complete 180 from my attitude two years ago.

MY THANKS.
I owe it to those guys - my teammates, but especially those three coaches - for re-igniting my love for the sport, for forcing me to reach beyond what I always knew into the unknown and out of my comfort zones.  

BRUCE. 

I appreciate, SO MUCH, Bruce's patience with me those first couple of years. Without his patience and belief in me, I probably would have never made it four years. I appreciate his diligence in helping me understand different aspects of the sport and the chance he took on me - I'm sure there were times he thought he wasted his time and money.  His love for the sport is immense.  Being a swim coach is not for the faint of heart and Bruce puts every ounce of his being into leading a great team.  I appreciate his adaptability to different swimmers and training styles.  His willingness to tweak and make adjustments were important to me and his confidence in me gave me confidence in myself. The transformation I had in four years was undoubtedly due to his patience, diligence, adaptability and belief in me.  There is no one else on this earth I would have rather dedicated the best four years of my swimming career to.

RITA.

Rita played a VITAL role in teaching me to love swimming again.  I was always able to talk to Rita as my friend even though she played the role of my coach.  I always felt like she understood everything I was saying or going through and she always had a great solution.  Rita kept swimming fun for me.  Our workouts were never predictable and oftentimes she would make up drills that were most unusual.  Some days you would come to practice thinking she wrote workouts made for ten year olds and other days she'd come in expecting you to beat Michael Phelps, but it didn't matter what kind of practice you had, you were always her "kid" and you better believe she was always proud of you. Rita also never put up with any BS.  If someone was in a bad mood or causing trouble, she'd call you out...or kick you out.  She was a no BS kind of coach, and I appreciated that.  You knew what was acceptable and what wasn't, and if you crossed the line you then you took that risk.  I appreciated her light-hearted spirit that made swimming fun, but I also appreciated the intensity she brought when the time was right.  I owe much of my love for swimming to Rita. Although she has recently said to me, "I think you always loved it, kid."  Maybe she's right, but her guidance through those tough years were invaluable to me and I wouldn't trade her friendship for anything.

BRIAN.

I think Brian and I were only meant to be together for the one year we were given because I'm not sure I would've lasted if it was any longer.  I didn't have the privilege of swimming for him for very long as he came to WKU my senior year.  Even at that, he coached the distance kids most of the time so he and I never had much interaction.  That was probably a good thing.  He and I typically joke about our love/hate relationship we had on the pool deck, but when it came down to it I think we both always had mad respect for each other.  I even recall apologizing to him once for being super disrespectful and he played it off like it's just one of those things that happens - but that's just Brian. I knew practice was going to suck if Brian was coaching us. We ALWAYS butted heads.  He's so stubborn. If he would only consult with Bruce on everything I needed to know, then we would have been just fine (now who's the stubborn one). I am partially joking :) Brian is very strong-willed and very determined.  He honestly wants the best for all of his swimmers and that's all he wanted for me.  He pushed me really hard on the rare occasion he was my coach and it definitely made me a better person and swimmer.  Brian was also a no BS kind of coach but in a different way.  If the workout said one thing, that's the way it was going to be done.  If it didn't say "with a snorkel" then there would be no snorkel, from what I would come to find out. He also didn't deal with complaining.  Brian showed no sympathy for bad days, bad workouts or bad attitudes.  If you had something to complain about, he'd give you a smart-ass remark back in his Boston accent and tell you to get going.  Brian was too witty and cut-throat to listen to anyone's complaints.  One thing I learned about Brian is that he is an incredible student of the sport. He may have not been the best swimmer of his time, but I guarantee you he could coach his way through every event meanwhile teaching you something you didn't already know. He truly LOVES his "job" and his swimmers and dedicates his life to it. He may not be the coach you go to when you want to cry after a hard workout, but there's absolutely no doubt he doesn't want the best for each kid in and out of the pool.  Ironically, Brian and I have a great friendship now and I'm lucky and honored to have had the privilege to call him my coach. 

Without the different dynamics of the coaching staff, I don't think the team or I would have had as much success as we did.  Much of the success I had when I was younger was due to talent, but when I got to college I wasn't able to get by on talent alone and that's what I struggled with.  I didn't really know how to work hard or what it took, I just wanted it to come to me, but I'm so glad it didn't.  I was SO BLESSED to have gone to the school I went to and be coached by amazing coaches who weren't afraid to give the tough lessons.  I had so many experiences through swimming and so many of them can be transferred into life.  These coaches played a major part in molding me into an adult and I will always count them as a great friend.  One of the greatest things about a coach is that their victories are your victories. Success isn't nearly as fun or enjoyable when you have no one to share to it with.  Your coaches want what's best for you NO MATTER what you think.  Their motivator is YOU.  You allow them to do what they love, but don't forget that they also allow you to do what you love.  A coach understands you in ways that others never can and never will.  You spend so much time together and go through things together that allow you to develop a special bond that will always be there.  You create memories built on happiness and defeat, anger and tears, screams and laughs. I'm so grateful for all the coaches I've had in my life, but especially these three. They've been some of the best mentors and teachers I could ever ask for and I value each of their friendships today. 


Thanks guys - you don't hear it enough.

The Blessings of a Blended Family

As we are quickly honing in on the peak of the Christmas Season, I can't help but be reminded of the many things that make this season so special - home, health, Christ, parties, food and family.  Now, my family is somewhat of a special case because of the different phases of life we have gone through. Here's a quick and VERY brief synopsis of my family:

Johnny and Diana - my parents - were married.  They had me.  When I was a year old, they divorced.

My dad, Johnny, remarried a young lady - Kelly (my stepmom).  They had my brother, Garrett.

After 10 years of marriage, Johnny and Kelly divorced.  Two years later, MY parents - Johnny and Diana - remarried.

They have been married ever since.  Kelly remarried a wonderful gentleman named Fred.

And all lived happily ever after......kind of.

Having been a child on both sides of divorce, I believe I can speak sufficiently on some of the ups and downs that go along with it.  Although I was very young when my parents divorced and not old enough to understand, I do recall weekends at dad's house and week-long stays at mom's.  I remember what it was like growing up in a single-parent household and the struggles and sacrifices my mom made to, not only give me everything I ever needed, but also many things I wanted.  I recall learning to adapt to change and quickly learning to accept new people into my life.  But there's another time and place for things I've learned - right now I want to share what a blessing it has been to be a part of a blended family.

It hasn't always been easy.  I won't lie and say it was easy for me to go to my dad's every other weekend and leave my mom, but I also can't say that I am any less of a daddy's girl just because I didn't grow up with him in the house everyday. After Kelly and my dad divorced, things definitely got worse before they got better.  I recall many phone calls that ended with heated tempers and regrettable words.  I remember times when Garrett was unfortunately caught in the middle because his parents couldn't get along.  I remember long discussions about weekend visits, summer vacations, holidays, parenting, meeting places, divorce papers, and child support.  However, not all of these discussions always turned out bad - there were many light and civil conversations as well.  As Garrett got older and parents learned to talk TO each other and not AT each other, things became easier and more friendly.  Garrett now was allowed to have input in some of these decisions and the parents also learned to compromise.  

If we fast-forward a little bit to the current year, I can honestly say - life is beautiful.  Kelly and my dad get along better now than they ever have. Garrett just recently graduated from high school and we were all able to enjoy a wonderful dinner with him.  Not only did family from my dad's side come but Kelly, her husband and other son came as well. It was absolutely beautiful to be able to sit down at a table with so many different people, connected in so many different ways, and have everyone come together to celebrate Garrett. Johnny and Kelly have each learned to parent together and not apart - they consult each other and make sure they are on the same page concerning all matters related to Garrett.  As a result, their friendship has grown and they have learned to accept and embrace each others differences.

What's so great about the whole thing is that we all can learn different things from each other and appreciate different parts of what each person adds to our life.  Personally, to me, Kelly is one of the most down-to-earth people I have ever known.  Her heart and door are always warm and open and a place of rest when your feet or your soul need to ease the burden.  I love how much Fred has taught Garrett about the importance of listening.  Anyone who knows Garrett and his mom, realizes there could be a lot more listening taking place sometimes than talking between the two of them.  However, Fred, through action, and perhaps without even knowing it, has shown Garrett how important it is to listen. I think Agatha Christie said it best, "“An appreciative listener is always stimulating," and Fred has demonstrated this time and time again. Although he's still working on his listening skills, I truly believe Fred has taught him the importance of humility and the effectiveness of a gentle conversation.  Fred has also taught Garrett many invaluable skills in drawing and building - the way he can visualize things and then build them is a true talent. 

Watching my mom and Garrett's relationship develop and grow over the years has also been special. My mom has always accepted and loved Garrett from his birth even though he wasn't hers.  Garrett didn't have to welcome his new step mom with open arms and a loving heart, but he did, but that's just Garrett.  Garrett's awesome because he has a little bit of everyone in him. He's probably the most giving and kind-hearted young man that I know, and he gets that from both his mom and dad.  He definitely has his fiery spirit from his dad along with his ability to make people laugh and that's one of his greatest blessings. My dad is a hard worker and a perfectionist and there's no doubt this has been passed down to my brother.  Garrett has learned, through action, to work hard at whatever is asked of you and to take pride in what you do. Sometimes it's a little ridiculous how OCD they can be when you put them together. Those two have been through many ups and downs - Garrett has learned many life lessons through tough experiences but I believe, through Garrett's growth and upbringing, my father has also experienced many blessings.  They've bonded over silly things like doing yard work, building fences, and throwing a football; but they've also bonded through their mutual appreciation for making others laugh, their witty sense of humor and their strong-willed nature.  Often, I believe, my dad sees a reflection of himself in my brother and wants so much more for him.

As for me, I'm not really sure what I have been able to give to Garrett. Maybe one day I'll know, or maybe someone else knows, but I do know he has taught me many things.  He's taught me a true lesson in honesty because Garrett never has a problem letting you know how he feels about something. There are so many things, as an older sister, that I have learned from him: patience, the wonderful gift of being laid back and going with the flow, the importance of working hard, and the joy it is of having a brother who loves you, cares about you, wants the best for you, and is always there cheering for you through life's toughest races (or swim meets).  

Without my parent's divorce, there would have been no Kelly.  Without Kelly, there would be no Garrett.  Without Garrett, the friendship that my father and Kelly now share would not exist and the blessing of watching God work through their hearts and lives to grow them could not have taken place. Perhaps times got rough along the way and maybe there are some decisions and choices that everyone regrets, but no one is perfect - we are all learning as we take a trip through this life.  What's important is that we stay capable of learning, growing, admitting our mistakes and continuously forgiving. It is a true joy, to me, to look back and see how far we all have come, but especially the friendship between Johnny and Kelly - all of the mountains and valleys we have been through along the way and how this once-distorted family structure is now a perfect blend of love and friendship.